Day 70, Year 1

Avoiding the Quarrelsome

“It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel.” (Proverbs 20:3 NKJV)

The word “quarrel” at the end of today’s verse, gala’ in Hebrew, also means “to break out in contention, meddling,” etc. Regarding quarreling, I have a few thoughts to share. First, we should be aware that in some cultures or ethnic groups, people are not accustomed to arguing publicly. They tend to condemn interpersonal conflicts and instead hiding these disputes within malicious interactions with others, including scheming and self-serving maneuverings, and even internalizing the strife within themselves, which often leads to problematic ambivalent personalities. The harm of hidden strife might be greater than public quarreling. Anyway, the psychology of quarrels is worth paying attention to.

Second, quarrelsome people often struggle to accept defeat as they compare themselves to others and seek affirmation from others. Due to this tendency and possibly their discontent with their own weaknesses, they argue with others to externalize their problems. Indeed, outward quarreling could mask inner issues. In contrast, we as believers would find our fulfillment mainly in God. In reality, He could use a third party to affirm us; even so, we should direct our gratitude toward Him, not just the people who praise us.

Furthermore, the refusal to accept failure due to others could lead to quarrels for many reasons. In addition to the improper comparisons discussed in the last paragraph, some might wrongly perceive others as imaginary rivals. Whether among classmates, coworkers, or even family and friends, those who love competing with others might constantly quarrel with others due to personality clashes, self-esteem issues, or the mistaken belief that others are comparing themselves to them. Often, the quarrelsome are entangled in their deficiencies, distorted perspectives and expectations, blaming the faults of others, or even molded by some coincidental environmental factors.

In contrast, believers could start by addressing our improper expectations or even inherited tendencies to change our habitual mindset of quarreling, if any. However, God’s people should not be afraid of debate for righteousness. We should have the courage and wisdom to stand for His fairness, justice, and truth. Especially when we are facing oppression, refraining from quarreling might not be a wise choice. Sometimes, our actions of seeking righteousness might bring about quarrels or conflicts, but with His guidance and protection, there is no need to fear.

Reflection questions:

1) How do you usually deal with different forms of quarreling, including scheming? Do you feel the need to change your attitude according to the Lord’s righteousness concerning quarrels?

2) Are you not afraid of debates, and could you uphold God’s fairness, justice, and truth as far as possible? If not, what would you need to ask the Lord for inner change?